Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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