I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
