if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
