DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
