Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
