worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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