I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
