You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
