He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Randomize
