I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
