I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
