he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
