So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
