were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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