I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
