So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Randomize
