so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
