i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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