When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
