Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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