Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
