"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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