"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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