There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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