bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
