god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
