that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
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