evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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