why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
