Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
