I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
