We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
