Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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