So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
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