Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
