He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
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