i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Too much gin, very little bucket
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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