Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
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