Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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