I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
