You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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