i barfeds in our rink
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
