it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
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