I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
