Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
