I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
