Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
