had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
