I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize