Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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