New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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