Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
