My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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