I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize