5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
