when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
