Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
