True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
