tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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