He passed out mid-signature
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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