im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
