there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Randomize
