What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
