how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
