Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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