its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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