It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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