You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
