So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Of course I have a pirate flag
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I believe in your delicious
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
