I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
