he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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