Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
