ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
