I must be too annoying 4 u.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
