You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
