I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
