The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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