If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
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A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize