Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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