He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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