I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
