There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
